How I See It - Pt 1

Breaking stigmas and paths to healing.

Okay, so WOW!

I had no idea that my posts would resonate with so many people. The messages I've received have given me life, and I'm so touched to know that I have inspired so many of you to either seek therapy or give yourselves more emotional self-care.

You better wear those crowns!

I've received a bunch of similar questions, so I thought it would be easier to write a little series about them, so that if anyone hasn't messaged me but wants to know too, they could find the answers. I completely understand that people are not always comfortable talking to others about their feelings, and that’s okay.

Remember, we’re all on our own journey, and what we’re not about to do is compare ourselves to anyone else.

(Before we start, I’d like to say that mental health is something very important to me, so although depression is mentioned in this post, it is not the focus. The things I talk about below are not directed at depression or are in any way suggested as a cure or method to ‘fix it’. I have suffered with depression and anxiety, so if you are currently experiencing anything like it, just know that even on the worst days, you are amazing, and I am sending you lots of love.)

To start, what I'd initially like to approach is the stigma towards mental health and therapy. Now, I know that some people are totally against therapy of any kind, and that's cool. No one should force anyone else into doing something they don't want to do, and also, our journeys to self-discovery and self-love are all different. No two people will ever do the same things and get the same results, and that's normal, but if you do want to talk to someone, whether online, on the phone, or face to face, let no one, and I mean no one talk you out of it.

SN: Remember, allowing others to control what you do and don’t do is giving your power away. You are allowing them to have control over your life, and you can’t do that. It leads to all kinds of problems, such as regrets and emotional harm. (We’ll dive into this on another post.)

It's both normal and healthy to talk about how you feel. We must feel our emotions so we can find out why or what is triggering them. Too many of us have grown up to feel as if we need to ignore how we feel so we don’t anger another person, that we should ‘suck it up’, or ‘get over it’, but you feel a way for a reason, and you have to acknowledge it. (Not sit and dwell in it). It’s also how we learn what we do and don’t want in our lives.

And yes, I'm talking to both men and women here. It's not ‘weak’ to want to talk through the things you've been through or are going through, as long as you can trust the person listening. It can help us to gain clarity and see why we keep doing the same things over and over, expecting different results yet ending up in the same situations. Sometimes, perspective from someone on the outside can help us see our ways.

The universe also has a beautiful way of sending us the messages that we need to hear through other people, but I’ll go into that later.

An outside perspective can also be beneficial to us, in the fact that we often keep people around us, in our closest circle, that enable us. Say, for instance, you want to start a business, or start therapy, but you also lack motivation. Below, I’m going to show you two situations of someone on the phone to their friend. The first is the most common scenario that plays out, but the second is the one we really need, because it breaks us out of our cycles and allows us to grow.

“Hey, what are you doing today?”

“Nothing, just watching TV. I should really be researching logos for the business I want to start, but I can’t be bothered.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just do it tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I kinda feel bad, though. I’ve wanted to start it for months now. It’s making me even more depressed because I haven’t.”

“It will be fine. Why don’t I come over and we can watch a film? We can order out and chill? That will cheer you up.”

“Okay, sure.”

See how this is enabling her? She’s just said what she wants to do, and how she feels because she hasn’t, but her friend hasn’t even acknowledged any of what she’s just said.

So now, let’s look at the kind of friend we really need.

“Hey, what are you doing today?”

“Nothing, just watching TV. I should really be researching logos for the business I want to start, but I can’t be bothered.”

“Forget the TV, you can watch it later. You’ve been talking about that logo for ages now.”

“I know. It’s making me feel bad because I haven’t done it yet.”

“So do it. You’ll feel better afterwards. Have you booked the counselling you said you were thinking about?”

“No, I haven’t done that yet either.”

“Sis, just book it, then sort out that logo. How about I come over later and you can show me the ones you like?”

“Really?”

“Of course. I don’t know too much about the business you’re getting into, but you’re my friend, and I’ll always support you.”

“Alright, I will. Thanks.”

Initially, this might not have been what she wanted to hear, but it is what she needed to. That one phone call might’ve been the trigger to push her into taking the action she needed to take.

See, most of the time, the people closest to us are a reflection of who we are. So, if you’re judging them or feeling some type of way about them, that’s really how you feel about yourself. Hell, you might even be the one enabling the ones you love. You might be so unhappy with your own life, you’re actually subconsciously hating on other people.

Let that sink in.

We need to get comfortable with having people around us that want the best for us and won't accept lame excuses for why we can't do something. We need friends and family that will support us, push us to reach our goals, and if they don’t, we need to be the motivation we need. You have to want it so badly that you let no one talk you out of it.

Not even yourself.

It’s not easy, believe me, but only we can see the vision of what we want our lives to be like. Only we can make ourselves happy. Only we can see our dreams, so we really need to fuck what people think here, ignore the opinions of others, and most of all, never ever ever give up!

Have you ever wondered why strangers often support us more than family and friends do? It’s because sometimes, us doing the work and bettering ourselves, with healing, seeking help, starting a business etc, triggers our family and friends. Ever heard, ‘You work too much.’ ‘Why don’t you take a break?’ ‘One night off won’t hurt.’ ‘You don’t need therapy, just get over it.’ ‘You don’t need anti-depressants. Depression isn’t real…’

SN: Some of these statements are not only toxic as fuck, but they’re a test. Why would you have someone around you that doesn’t take the way you feel seriously? What does someone have to gain by you staying as you are? How badly do you want your life to change? And are you seriously going to let someone talk you out of your dream of being happy? No matter what it is?

You bettering yourself in any way will always trigger someone, (and sometimes vice versa if you know you’re holding yourself back) because if you can heal or make it from where you are now, and where they most likely are, it shows them that they could do it, too, they're just not doing what needs to be done themselves. It triggers their excuses for why they aren’t helping themselves, why they’re not making moves. Ultimately, they’re trying to keep you where they are.

Never let anyone else’s fears keep you in yours. Anyone who doesn’t encourage or support you, never has or ever will have your best interests at heart.

So, when this happens, you have a few choices. You can either let them hold you back, spend less time with them, or you can let them fall away, because when you're elevating and moving into the next level of your life, not everyone you love and care about can go with you.

Yes, it's sad, and it can be hard as hell, especially when you love them, but like I said in my last post, we all really need to become comfortable with letting people go. Holding onto people that aren’t meant to stay can block your blessings – and that is facts! Never let your love for someone allow you to keep negative energy around. (That’s another post.)

Sometimes, the loss of us triggers them to make a change, too, believe it or not. But also, some people are only supposed to be in our lives for a season, to teach us lessons, to make us see what we need to see about ourselves. If you need to hold onto someone tightly, have to change who you truly are, or ignore your wants and needs just to keep them in your life, sorry to break it to you, but they’re not meant to stay.

Let them go.

Going back to what I mentioned earlier, have you ever bumped into a stranger or spoken to someone, and they have said exactly what you needed to hear at that moment? God, or the universe, or whoever you believe in, uses many things to make us hear what we need to hear. Ever seen an advertisement that’s appeared at the perfect time? Heard a song that sums up your entire situation with the lyrics? Seen a quote while scrolling social media that’s given you hope when you’ve needed it most?

I bet you have.

Sometimes, we never see that person again, or we don’t like any other song by that artist, but the message we received in that moment served its purpose. It triggered something within you, enabled you to take the next step to where you needed to go, or it soothed you in some way and made you think about a situation differently.

So, all in all, the choice to seek therapy or anything else that you feel can benefit you, is your choice. No one has to know if you don’t want them to. There are many different types of therapy, and you don’t even have to see anyone face-to-face if you don’t want to. Just don’t let anyone talk you out of doing something that you’ve decided is best for you.

We don’t do that.

I, myself, have had counselling and therapy at different stages in my life. Do I care that people know? Nope. Therapy made me see several things differently. It helped me deal with not being able to walk around my hometown when I was younger because of the years of bullying I endured, and later on, it helped me process my childhood abuse and the loss of my first daughter.

These days, I listen to a lot of motivational speakers on YouTube, and they have really changed my life. I’ll list the ones I resonate with most in my next post, but for now, I hope what I’ve said today has made you think.

Remember, you are in control of your own life, so if you’re unhappy, only you can change it, by doing whatever you see fit.

Have an amazing day, Loves.

LeeSha. xxx